by steelie -

Like I’m suffocating…

I feel like I’m slowly spiralling further and further into this depression I just can’t shake. It’s been getting worse over the past few years and lately I just feel like I’m losing it. Like I’m out of control. Like I’m suffocating under the weight of it all.
I am, for the life of me, trying to figure out what I can do to get better. How I can redefine myself or what I do, to overcome this feeling.
I rarely feel happy. I have fun and happy moments but overall I feel overwhelmed by this life that feels completely out of control. Or at least my control.
As I eluded to before, I’m very good at wearing the happy mask, through-which very few people see.
I used to not need a mask.
I really want to be able to take it off… it’s been feeling quite heavy lately.
—
steelie

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by steelie -

Dear Vox…

How have you been?

I’ve been okay.
Thanks for asking.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately…
Soul-searching might be too strong of an description.
Maybe not.
I’ve really missed you. I know I haven’t written anything substantial for a while but for a while I found it difficult to be a part of your existence.
*sigh*
I had built a neighbourhood that I enjoyed for a long time, only… it seemed to no longer fit. I didn’t enjoy logging in. I didn’t enjoy reading peoples updates. Entries from a number of people seemed to turn angry. Constantly. I have been kinda working through some depression issues over the last little while and just couldn’t/can’t deal with it — the constant negativity.
I’m working on it.
To many people, I’m the happy-go-lucky one. I love to be that guy. Lately though, it feels more like a facade I’ve been maintaining for other peoples sake. And it’s exhausting.
I’m trying to find a way back to feeling constantly inspired. Constantly motivated. Constantly alive. I know it’s one of those things that aren’t supposed to be easy… but if anyone know of any shortcuts, let me know.
—
steelie

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